in all honesty, i’m really not doing ok, it’s easy to fake though, easy to pretend like i’m getting my motivation back, easy to pretend like i don’t think about her constantly, or worry about her constantly. and every time i actually am feeling ok, the smallest thing, even just a single word, makes me think about her. and the way my heart drops when that happens is the worst feeling. i’m not gonna be who i used to be, i told her i’d always be here, that i’ll never stop wanting her. i’ve said that to couple other people, but knew in the back of my head that i’d be ok, that i’d move on. not this time, i won’t move on, i won’t be with anyone else. i wouldn’t be able to be with anyone else, not now. i miss her so much, i wish she would tell me what’s going on in her head about me. but i won’t ask, she has too much to deal with right now. i just have to continue waiting, and make sure she knows i’m not going anywhere. jaime told her that the other day when she was over to talk, and she said that kaycee got this huge smile on her face and tried to hide it. it’s little things like that that keep me going, that make me not want to give up. and i know it’ll be worth it in the end, however things end up, i won’t regret not giving up.